For there is always light,
If only we’re brave enough to see it,
If only we’re brave enough to be it…
I went recently to a camp with lots of teens for a week. On one of those days, I had to talk about something close to my heart. I chose to talk about addiction to people.
I was there for a great amount of time. For a lot of time I thought “Hey, my happiness is linked to the other person’s happiness. Doesn’t that mean to love the other person as you love yourself?” And each time any of my friends were sad, I got saddened as well. Each time they were not replying for a long period of time, my anxiety would hit hard. That would make my hunger go away, and I was not able to eat properly, and much other damage.
I used to listen to everyone, and I was listened to very rarely. Even though I wouldn’t listen to others only to be listened to, I did think it would be awesome to also have someone to talk to. I used to think that I’m good at only training people to become great friends, but that I would never have a great friend. They were all leaving when I wanted to open myself.
You know? People disappoint. Often. We all do.
But you know what? Some people are temporary in our lives. We too are temporary in someone else’s life.
I used to get myself stomped onto by others, just so they could feel better, and I wouldn’t say a word.
I was served multiple times with: “I’d give any friend and any relationship for you.” See? There’s the difference. I was ready to give myself for you. (I’ve never told them this, but that’s what I was thinking.)
“Find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.” Now…respect doesn’t mean they should instantly reply to your messages. Don’t confuse respect with them meeting your neediness. Respect does not mean to only be there when you feel like it (that’s not even friendship). Dictionaries, of course, miss the whole point of the true definition of “respect”. As it is, for me, a way of treating and thinking about someone with kindness.
So, if they choose to rather have a fun time than offering you respect, either by making fun of you in front of others or constantly reminding you about things that you left behind from your past to get where you are, choose to free yourself from toxicity.
I chose to suffer alone. I cried, I was sad, I was disappointed, I felt how losing “important” people was. And I chose to remain silent. And now I wonder WHY?
We’ve all had that one friendship that we thought will last forever. Did it? Will it?
You know? Being a Christian, and a “good person” doesn’t mean being stupid. It means returning good for bad, but it doesn’t mean letting yourself be the doormat for when they please. Just like something they use when they need it.
I’ve recently chosen to distance myself from a few of the closest people in my life. And the fact that I was really disappointed by them, made it easier for me to make this decision.
I’ve discovered that I am not less valuable if I wouldn’t have a marriage. I’ve understood that even if that friendship I fought so hard for wouldn’t last, I’m still me. I’m still the child of God. That’s because my identity is in Him.
In the above camp I talked about, we were challenged to place our time with God in the first place, and see how greatly He will honor our lives. And I chose to accept it. Since then, whether I’ve been home or somewhere else, the first thing I do in the morning before seeing what notification appeared, who else wrote to me last night, or what had happened overnight, I’d have an amazing time with my Father, The Creator. I spend time talking to Him, praying, reading from His Word. And I lost so much over this: hate, the permanent urge to have the last word, selfishness, the thought that I was better than others. And I gained the following: I’ve been waking up almost every morning with a physical smile on my face, waking up with purpose, being thankful for the new day, and asking Him to take control over my life. I am giving every aspect of my life, everything that I am and have to Him. Every morning. And that makes me fulfilled, happy, grateful.
But I also chose to forgive. I forgave everyone. This doesn’t mean that the relationship had healed and we are friends again, but we can be in the same room, without being immature about it. I’m still praying for each and every one of them.
Firstly, I went from an extreme to another: from caring too much to not caring at all. But freeing yourself and healing means forgiving and getting over it. Sure, it might hurt a while, but choose to be free.
There was a great example of a really powerful magnet. We are some nails that get stuck to that magnet. Some of the nails get stuck to other nails that are stuck directly to the magnet. When someone shakes that magnet really hard, the nails that were linked to other nails would fall, but the ones that are directly connected to the magnet would be stuck. You see? We often try to stick to other people that are stuck to God, because it’s nice. We have the feeling of being with the right person. But we must ANCHOR ourselves directly to Him for the storm may pass and our entire existence would still not crumble. Jesus wants a personal relationship with you TODAY!
Where are you on forgiveness?
Just know that your dark places are temporary and that we must keep on fighting. If we decide to give up on life by ourselves, the things and people that have hurt us, the bad wins. As long as we are alive, we can fight. And sure, we win some battles, we lose some, but we will win the war. Only with Jesus.
There is always hope.
“Let there be light!”